An Interview with Myself

This interview taken from Brilliantly Better, but with my own answers:

1. What Do You Do For A Living?


You may not know what you’re really doing for a living. You may think you have a job, but you’re actually just selling your time. And that comes down to selling your life. And that means you’re living your life by selling it. And you may not even know that.

I am selling my life. The realization of that is part of what brought me to this interview: I'm looking to get out of this situation, and to live life on my own terms.

2. Who Do You Love?

Is that your partner? Or somebody else? Do you love many persons at once? Just answer as detailed as you can to this one. We never seem to have enough time do really think at the ones we love. We can’t love someone if we forget to think about him.

Mallory, Mallory, Mallory. Mom and Dad, Steve, Grandma, Sam, Kyla. Natalie, Angela, Katie, and my other LiveJournal friends. Adel.

3. Do You Have Enough Money?

That’s a very important question. You may have less money than everyone else in your group, but still have enough. Or you may have huge amounts of money and yet not enough to make you feel better. How much money do you need in your life?

I do have enough, I'm just not very good at managing it, so it always feels like it's not enough.

4. Are You Healthy?

You may be able to wake up every morning and go to work, but do you think at yourself as being a healthy person? The way you see your health has a huge impact on your reality perception. It’s like applying filters to what’s happening to you.

I feel like I am healthier than I should be, or than I deserve to be.

5. Do You Think You Are a Good Person?

Have you ever wandered what do you think about yourself from this point of view? Maybe we take it for granted that we are inherently good and all the other guys are wrong. But is this really true? Do you really think you are a good person? Why?

No, not really. I'm selfish, and I lack discipline, and I'm kind of mean. I have a hard time caring for others.

6. How Old Are You?

You shouldn’t just open your ID and do some math. It’s not the number of years since you’ve been born that matter here. But mostly how old do you feel you are. What’s your perceived age. Because, believe it or not, this is your real age.

I'm about to turn 30, and right now I actually feel it. Perhaps not on May 29th, but I feel like I'm about to "grow up," to enter a new phase of my life and my self.

7. Who’s Your Best Friend?

Do you have one? Is he or she still alive? Write his name and think at that person for a while. Write a short description of he or she. Where did you met first time? What were the circumstances? What makes that person your best friend, after all?

Natalie. We met via LiveJournal a few years ago, and she has brightened my life every day since. She is so kind and good and giving, and she truly wants everyone to be happy. She has such a good heart. I love that she's open to me and all of my quirks, even though we're so very different. She lets me be me, and doesn't judge.

8. What’s Your Childhood Dream?

Do you still remember it? You wanted to travel the world? You wanted to just have a family and raise your kids? Is that what you’re doing right now? Has your dream become true? Or are you drifting away from it with every single day of your life?

In childhood, as now, my dreams changed so often that I can't say I even had one. Veterinarian, lawyer, journalist, travelling, and nowhere in it was children. I'm not doing any of those things, but I don't necessarily feel I'm getting further away--I just feel like I haven't discovered it yet.

9. How Often Do You Laugh?

Try to remember exactly how often do you laugh during a day. Is this a difficult thing? Why? Because you laugh so often that you couldn’t remember when was the last time you didn’t had a good laugh? Or because you simply forgot how it is to laugh?

Not often enough. It takes a lot to make me actually laugh out loud, and I don't think that even occurs on a weekly basis.

10. What Makes You Smile?

List at least 10 items. If you can’t find 10 items that makes you smile, we have a problem. Don’t rush, take your time. Smiling is different from laughing the same way walking in the park is different from climbing a mountain. You’re just enjoying the walk.

Mallory
Getting messages from friends
Designing something colorful
Eyeliner
Making someone else feel good about him/herself--giving compliments
Sunny days and open windows
The scent of flowers in the air
Songs about optimism or new beginnings (Three Little Birds, Unwritten, etc.)
Yoga
Running longer than I did the time before
Cooking, and having something turn out perfectly

11. Who’s Your Most Dangerous Enemy?

Do you have one? List his/her name here and a short story about how this enemy changed your life. Friends are making us do things for them, but enemies are making us do things because of them. Either way, they’re shaping our life and we must know how.

Me.

12. Where Do You Live?

Is this really your place? Do you feel at home there? How did you end up with it, anyway? The story of your house is deeply blended with your own life. Where do you feel at home is the most important place in the world for you. What makes it home?

Right now we're living with my parents, waiting for our new house to be built. I used to feel at home here, but no longer. Now it is a source of stress.

13. Do You Think You’re Strong?

I would be really curious to know the answer to this one. I love strong people. They have this power to change their life and to create incredible things. What “strong” means to you? It’s a question of force? Or endurance? Of speed? Or intelligence?

No. I think I could be, if my energy was directed somewhere useful, towards my dream, but I don't feel like I have a purpose, so I feel weak and listless. Strength to me is perseverence, determination.

14. What Was The Most Important Thing You’ve Done So Far?

Have you really done something important? Something that changed your life fundamentally? Or something that changed somebody else’s life fundamentally? Why was that important? Answer with first thing that pops out in your head.

I had Mallory. She changed my life. She's made me more aware of other people, more caring about those around me.

15. What Was The Most Stupid Thing You’ve Done So Far?

Do you consider you’ve done stupid things in your life? I think everybody does but not everybody admits that. Most of the people blame the circumstance, the karma, the others, everyone except them. Do you have the power to accept you’ve done a really stupid thing?

The stupides thing I've done is settle for less than I could be, less than I could have, and not push myself to be better.

16. Do You Love Yourself?

Like really, truly accepting everything about you. Does it happen to hate yourself? Most people do that without even being aware. Just answer the first thing that pops to your head, again. Usually, this is exactly how you feel about yourself.

Most of the time I do. I'm often disappointed with what I've done so far, but I am ever hopeful of what I could still be.

17. What Do You Fear The Most?

That might be difficult. But also liberating. Your biggest fear is most of the time your escape door, if you face it with enough courage. Can you think at something that scares you really hard? Maybe answering to this question will really frighten you?

Failure. I don't try because I'm afraid I'll fall flat on my face. What if I reach for my dream and fall short? What's left for me then?

18. What Is Your Favorite Word?

You must have one, everybody does. It might be the one you’re saying all day long without realizing or it might be something that really makes you feel good when you’re telling it. Most of the time, there’s an unconscious link between your true self and this word.

Inspire.

19. When Was The Last Time You Cried?

Admit it. Everybody cries. Men, women, kids. It might be something you’re not very proud of, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t happened. What was so powerful that really cracked you up inside? Think about it and let it emerge again. Make peace with it. If you can.

About 2 hours ago. I was writing an email to a friend about how lost I feel, how helpless.

20. What Is The Best Thing That Could Happen To You Right Now?

In this exact context, what’s the only thing that could shift your entire existence if it will manifest right now? Many people tend to give a certain amount of money as a number, but in my experience this will only maximize the problems, not making them go away.

Weight loss, and a slim and fit body. I tend to believe that I can't do whatever it is I want to do because of my physical self. I can't be a weight loss counselor because who would believe me? I can't do _____ because I'm too fat. If I could conquer this one thing, I could rule the world.

21. What Is The Worst Thing That Could Happen To You Right Now?

Again, what’s the only thing that could negatively impact your life right now in a way that you wouldn’t believe it’s possible? Between those two possibilities lies your entire lifespan. How is this lifespan? How large is your road are you traveling now?

One of my parents could get sick or die. They are my support system. Everything would change.

22. Picture Yourself In 5 Years From Now

Not really a question, but definitely an interesting answer. Can you see yourself in 5 years from now? How would you look? How would you behave? You would do the same things are you doing right now? Don’t write a full story, a single, concentrated sentence would be enough.

Slim and fit, I've finally won, and let myself come out to play.

23. Do You Regret Anything?

If yes, what exactly? If not, why not. Regrets are usually strings we didn’t pull entirely from our past, leaving us tied up to a context which is not longer real. Facing your regrets will reveal parts of yourself you thought you forgot. Important parts of yourself.

There are a lot of things coming to mind, but I think of them as stupid, little things not worth regretting. The little things are inconsequential, and the big decisions have all brought to me to where I am. I can't regret anything that's brought me to Mallory.

24. What’s The First Thing You Do In The Morning?

Just after you open your eyes. Is it a thought? Is it a gesture? We all tend to create a morning routine and it seems that this routine is shaping our entire diurnal activity. Have you ever thought what is the first thing you do in the morning?

After hitting the snooze button? Grumble about having to get out of bed, or being beaten to the shower, or not getting enough sleep, or no one making coffee.

25. What Are You Thinking Just Before Going To Bed?

Similarly, before you go to bed, you do have preferred thought. What is it? What makes your transition to the sleeping world without any major frictions? What’s your password to the dream realm? What if you would lose this thought suddenly?

Before bed, I'm usually grumbling about how Steve stays up too late, or thinking about all I have to do tomorrow, and how I hope Mallory doesn't keep me up all night.

26. What Was The Highest Point You’ve Ever Been To?

Was it a mountain? Or a huge city tower? Whatever feels high for you should go there. I don’t want to know the difference from the sea level, but what exactly you experienced on the highest perceived point you’ve ever been? Fear? Exhilaration?

I have no idea, but I've always liked heights. They're exhilarating.

27. If There’s One Thing In Your Life You Want To Change Right Now, What Is It?

Imagine you met a fairy tale and you have only one wish: you could change only one thing in your life. What is that thing? How would you like to change it? If it wasn’t this absolute power you just received, would you still wanted that thing to be changed?

I would be thin and fit and healthy.

28. What Are You Proud Of?

What is the only thing you’ve done that will instantly make you feel totally and undeniably proud of yourself? When you did that? What were the circumstances? Would you still do the same thing now?

Writing a novel in 30 days. Writing a complete novel at all. That happened in November 2006, just a month after I got married. I felt relatively stable and had plenty of time to myself. Now? I'd love to write another novel, but I can't seem to find the space in my schedule or in my brain.

29. Sum Up Your Life In One Sentence

If in the next 10 seconds your life will end, how would you describe it? Just one sentence for your entire life. Can you do that? You only have 10 seconds, so you can consider this a speed question.

Unremarkable, but at least I made a beautiful baby.

30. Name The Thing That Annoys You The Most

Is this a mosquito humming? The sounds of a knife on a porcelain plate? Or is it people calling you in a certain way? Friends breaking promises? Being stuck in traffic? Try to remain calm while answering.

Making a big deal over petty issues. Why bother?

31. What Is Your No 1 Question To God?

Yes, it’s your interview, but if you would be able to address one question to God, assuming He will answer you, what would that question look like? What is the most important thing you want to know from God?

Did I do a good job?

32. Do You Have Secrets?

If yes, why? If not, are you sure? What is your number one reason for having and keeping secrets? Are you afraid of other people reactions? Ar you ashamed? Or you just love to cover things for the pleasure of re-discovering them later?

Not really. There are things that I share with some people and not with others, but I've always been horrible at keeping secrets.


33. What Makes You Laugh?

You do have something that instantly puts you in a totally laughing state, do you? There must be something that makes you laugh out loud. What is it? When was the first time you bumped into that thing?

Mallory. Angela.

I wish I laughed more.



34. Are You Happy?

No, not really.